small wedding myths

Mention wedding planning to almost any bride, and one of the most frequent comments relates to stress, and how she wishes she could simplify things and have a ‘small wedding’. Attended by only a handful of those most special to you, it’s a beautifully intimate way to start off married life.

by Robyn Carne

It’s easy to see why the thought is so appealing to the busy bride – fewer guests means a smaller bill to foot, less stress, and fewer things to plan, right? Well, not exactly. One of the first planning hurdles the small-wedding bride needs to overcome is the fallacy that small equals stress-free.

To start with, here's a reality check!

Wedding planning is just as stressful whether you invite 10 or 250 guests. However, do not panic! Much like marriage itself, you should go in realising it’s not always going to be easy, so you won't be surprised and unprepared. To help you avoid the hidden traps, here are 5 important lessons to hake heed of when planning your small wedding.

Lesson 1 - Be aware of potential family tension

Families often have expectations about who should be invited to weddings, and may well start inviting people informally before the ink is dry on your guest list. I know several brides whose families did. If you are thinking small, tell both sets of parents upfront exactly what you mean by 'small', well before expectations are crushed and feelings are hurt. If you let them know that you intend inviting immediate family and the absolute closest of friends only, you may find that they are actually relieved!

Also, small weddings often mean smaller or absent bridal parties. This is a bonus in a lot of ways, but be prepared for it to be more difficult to narrow down your choices, and for there to be some disappointment when you tell your sister that she won't be a bridesmaid. Yes, it’s your wedding, and you are perfectly entitled to have a big bridal party or none at all. But be aware that there may be family or friend tension, and be prepared with some ready-to-deliver gentle explanations rather than stammering for words. Special tasks like being a witness or doing a reading at the ceremony may be more meaningful anyway.

Lesson 2 - There's just as much to organise

Regardless of wedding size, you still have to book a celebrant, reception venue, transport, photographers, find that dream gown, get invites organised, buy rings, choose centrepieces and so on. Your guest numbers don’t add to the headache when choosing and booking things, they only add to the cost. When you consider what you need to organise, planning a wedding for 10 guests requires just as many decisions as planning one for 100 guests. Don't leave things to the last minute assuming that your small numbers mean fewer plans to make! Make a list, delegate where you feel comfortable, and allow plenty of time.

Lesson 3 - Smaller does not necessarily mean more flexibility

Don't assume that a small party means more options for your wedding reception. True, you might have the option of a private room at a local restaurant, or a cosy little mountain chalet, as you don't need the huge ballroom of a five star hotel. However, appropriately sized function rooms aren't plentiful, and the few around are often booked months in advance for birthdays and corporate functions. Look early for a venue, otherwise you may find the only places available are big rooms that will dwarf your party and don't give the intimate atmosphere you are probably dreaming of. Overall, I found my small numbers meant I had more options for ceremony location, but it was fairly limiting when it came to finding a reception venue that didn't make our couple of tables look lost and empty in a large room. Search for and book that venue as soon as you set a date.

Similarly, you may find that many venues have a “minimum numbers” policy. For example, one hotel I met with has a minimum number requirement of 50 for its wedding package. You may be able to negotiate a package for a smaller number, but you do need to be aware that there's a good chance that they will not take your booking if your wedding is during a popular month, particularly if you’re looking at a popular venue. They know they'll have lots of interest from other happy couples, and will be able to book a larger wedding that rakes in more money for them. I avoided this by having a Friday wedding, as my venue dropped its minimum charge by half. Consider your alternatives – you may find you get around this issue with a non-Saturday wedding, an afternoon tea or a stylish brunch.

Lesson 4 - Don't get caught short – beware of under-budgeting

It seems obvious that smaller weddings mean smaller bills. But in reality, it is fairly easy to under-budget for a small wedding. The first thought of most people when thinking about wedding costs is to imagine a price per head, so it is logical to assume that if you cut your guest list by half, the bill will drop by half. Wrong! I’m an encore bride, and my first wedding had 80 guests and cost about $10,000. My second wedding has only 20 guests but is costing roughly the same. Here's why:

Remember that there are a lot of constants you'll pay for no matter how many guests you invite. Your wedding dress will cost the same regardless of how many people see you in it, and your photographer, jeweller and getaway car won't cost any less for a small wedding. Even your reception venue, while charging you less overall based on numbers, might not be prepared to reduce their hire charge for the room and equipment. Build this into your budget so you know your bottom line before you start factoring in guest costs.

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Be aware that per piece, you'll pay more for some things as you can't access quantity discounts, particularly with hired equipment and bonbonniere. You may still pay less in total, but you need to factor into your budget that the bargain price you found for your chair covers online might not apply unless you are hiring 200 of them. Be careful of the figures you use when calculating costs, so you don’t underestimate.
Many couples organising small weddings decide that due to the small numbers they want to 'spend up' a bit more on the details. And why not - if you can afford more per guest for a really fantastic party, go for it! Just make sure you realise the true cost of your 'small' wedding before you sign the contract for that dove release or ice sculpture, particularly if keeping costs low was your main reason for having a small wedding in the first place. It’s easy to go overboard, especially when you assume your wedding isn’t costing much simply because of a small guest list.

Lessons 5 - Tricky seating plans are
not only an Issue for big weddings!

Seating plans for small weddings can be surprisingly difficult! Here's why:

With larger weddings, you have more people to seat (which can be difficult), but on the plus side, you also have more seating combinations to choose from. I found that there was only one way my seating plan could work; otherwise people would be forced to sit with someone they don't know. You may need to look long and hard to draw up the right plan. Perhaps a pre-wedding gathering is in order to make sure nobody is a stranger to their table mates on the day.
Your numbers may also mean that you have a few full tables and a few quite empty tables, depending on the table sizes your venue uses. Be prepared to consider different options such as one large table, long tables instead of round, or your bridal party sitting with guests and the two of you at a 'sweetheart table'. You may just find it means your table plan works out better.

All’s well that ends well… Above all, try to remember that despite all of the stress, wedding planning really is a fun privilege we only usually have for a short time, so enjoy it. At the end of the day, the only decision that matters is the right choice of groom! Be mindful throughout the planning of the potential issues that might arise, and you’ll find that your day is as perfect as you’d dreamed. Happy planning!

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